I have been having a massive few weeks, a massive year really.
More recently though I have had a desire to withdraw and retreat so I can work out what sort of life I want for my family.
Not what other people want for me. Not what other people expect of me. Not necessarily what the majority of people are doing but what I want.
I kinda feel like I'm in a cocoon as this new persona changes and grows. I haven't come out the other side yet but I will.
And I'm close.
One thing I know for sure right now is that I am grateful for my life.
I am feeling IMMENSE gratitude.
It hasn't come from nowhere. It has come from facing some of my fears and beliefs about life...and coming out the other end on some of these issues,
Saying that, I am aware that I will never truly 'get there'; there is no where to get, other than further along than I am. That is the beauty and puzzle of life.
What I do know for sure is that I have moved from feeling mostly overwhelmed to feeling mostly gratitude.
There is space here for me to enjoy this for awhile. It is important for me to enjoy it and for my family to enjoy it too. The next step from here, I think, is a greater love and service to others. If my cup is full, I am more able to share all that I have.